Lifted up and thankful. A postscript on Christmas.

I explained to a friend just a few weeks ago that it feels as if I am being lifted up by the Lord right now - possibly by the scruff of the neck - as my feet continue to run in place. It's been a time of "live right now in this moment - and listen to what happens" as opposed to my "Scooby Doo" lifestyle (a play off the words "go.be.do" - and one of many nicknames my hubby uses to describe me).

What has living in this moment looked like so far? Of course, it's included food - cooking and baking for others in the midst of celebration and pain. It's included sitting in the backseat of my own car so someone else can enjoy the best view of the Christmas lights in heated seat comfort on a cold Oklahoma night. It's included redefining birthday celebrations to ensure amazing people aren't forgotten. It's included coffee with someone who won my heart before she ever knew my name. It's included finding lap blankets in just the right colors to make wrinkled faces light up. It's included weeping with a stranger who longs to adopt children abandoned and alone, and holding a friend who feels as though she's the abandonded one. It's included smiling more and laughing more and being a little more quiet. It's included praying - because there's always time to pray.

What have I heard in the midst of the moments? "You would have missed this had your feet been touching the ground."

The go.be.do. list is still full. And should the Lord allow, there are some very exciting things in store for 2010. There's much writing to do. There's a language to learn. There's design magic ready to happen. There's school to attend. There's a business to launch. There are orphans to help. There are friends to love. There's a family to cherish. And there's skydiving mixed in there somewhere. Whatever gives Him glory...

Perhaps the best quote of the season this year came from my "cup of coffee" moment. Posted on her blog, http://thesimplypeachy.com/, it cuts to the core of my heart. I'm thankful for a God who so passionately loves me. I'm thankful for a the grace of a Saviour, the hope of the Christ, the peace of our Lord. He is life in my veins.

“I’m tired of being a skeptic, I’m irritated by spiritual prudence and I feel bored and parched by empirical debate. I don’t want to hear it anymore. I couldn’t care less about evidence and proof and assurances. I just want God. I want God inside me. I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water." -Elizabeth Gilbert

A letter for you. Yes, you.

Every year, I craft a Christmas letter full of updates and pictures. This year, the letter included in our seed paper cards (yes, I did say seed paper) is a bit different. Warning: there is an invitation included in the text. If you read it, I do ask that you prayerfully consider it. We've received a few requests, but to be perfectly honestly, I'm praying there are at least a few more.

_________________

Amazing, isn’t it, that you would be receiving a Christmas letter so early! Even if you’re not big on the whole “holiday letter” thing, I do ask that you read this one, because you’ll be answering my prayer when you do!

I would write on and on about all the amazing things that have taken place this year at CasaRock, but I wonder how much would sound like every other year. We work, we play, we are blessed to get to minister and travel some and spend at least a little time with friends and family. With others, we’ve walked through the absolute joy of new life, and have walked through the painful yet hopeful journey of death. We’ve been inspired and challenged to take risks and grow, personally and professionally. There are amazing days and boring days, all edited together into a perfectly imperfect life. Gosh, I love that imperfection, because it reminds me of how precious and beautiful life is when it’s wrapped up in the Lord’s grace and mercy.

OK, so I guess I’d better get back to the whole “you’ll be answering my prayer” part of the letter, shouldn’t I? Perhaps it’s because of that imperfectly beautiful life we’re living, or perhaps it’s because I celebrated a milestone birthday; maybe it’s because I’ve spent more time than ever with the fatherless and forgotten, or maybe we’re just tired of feeling guilty about throwing away used wrapping paper, but Brad and I have decided not to celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense this year. Rather, I’ve dubbed this season “Christ-giving” – beginning the week of Thanksgiving and continuing on well beyond Christmas Day. You see, we’ve been blessed beyond measure. We’re rich in what counts, and we’ve got more than enough to get us by. So, we are not purchasing Christmas gifts for each other this year. In fact, if our family and close friends agree to it, we’re not purchasing gifts for them either – because at the end of the day, we all have everything we need and more besides. Instead, we invite you to help us do something different.

Tell us about people who could really use a gift this year.

The person could be someone in your neighborhood or at your church – a single mom struggling to put food on the table, or a family fighting to keep things afloat due to a medical crisis. Maybe someone needs a warm coat or a home-cooked meal. Gosh, maybe someone just needs a kind word and a smile, or a cup of coffee and a listening ear. And if that person is you, that’s OK too. Just send an email to givechristmas@gmail.com, with some details. Don’t worry - this is a private email account, and the emails will be kept that way too.

We certainly don’t have a ton of resources to share, but I keep being reminded of lyrics to a Hillsong United tune, “I know I’m filled to be emptied again, the seed I’ve received I will sow.” So, we’ll do what we can to help all we can. We’ll wrangle others to help us if needed (if you’d like to be “wrangled,” let me know). And we’ll definitely be praying for each and every person, because we believe in and have witnessed its amazing power. In fact, it’s prayer that got us to this place in the first place. We’re not that “holy” or cool – we’re just convicted to look at things in a fresh light.

I realize I’ve not been completely honest in saying we want no gifts this year, because we would like one gift from you, our family and friends. Time. Nothing would give us greater joy than to simply spend a little time with you – enjoying a good meal or relaxing on the boat or taking in the sights on a roadtrip or talking till the wee hours of the morning. We know physical time can be tough, so whether it’s in person, by phone, via email or chat or Skype, or in a real paper letter, we’d love to live just a little more life with you. We want our “Christ-giving” to last throughout the year. So let’s put something on the calendar, in ink. Seriously.

I’ll close with a commentary written by Matthew Henry – it’s about Isaiah 9 (you know the scripture even if you don’t read the Bible: “Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace,” the inspiration for “Hallelujah Chorus”).

(Jesus) was born for the benefit of us men, of us sinners, of all believers, from the beginning to the end of the world. Justly is He called Wonderful, for He is both God and man. His love is the wonder of angels and glorified saints. He is the Counselor, for He knew the counsels of God from eternity; and He gives counsel to men, in which He consults our welfare. He is the Wonderful Counselor; none teaches like Him. He is God, the mighty One. Such is the work of the Mediator, that no less power than that of the mighty God could bring it to pass. He is God, one with the Father. As the Prince of Peace, he reconciles us to God; He is the Giver of peace in the heart and conscience; and when His kingdom is fully established, men shall learn war no more. The government shall be upon Him; He shall bear the burden of it. Glorious things are spoken of Christ's government. There is no end to the increase of its peace, for the happiness of its subjects shall last forever.

It’s our real, gut-level prayer that you will get to know Jesus. He’s more than a baby in a nativity scene, and He’s more than a name used at the end of prayer. A lot more.

A most merry and joyful “Christ-giving” season to you.

Love,

Ronne (with a hearty endorsement from Brad)


P.S. If you want to keep up with our comings and goings, you can find us on Facebook and on Twitter (@LoveWriteCook and @bradleykrock). And if you’d like to read about the journey of a gal who loves to tell stories, you can find my blog at http://christstumbler.blogspot.com.

Bright and Dark.

When I think about the blessings in my life, the list grows quickly:

•My prince of a husband, who continues to lavish me with love even when I’m far from lovable
•My precious son – truly the apple of my eye, who causes my heart to leap every time I think of him
•My wonderful daughter-in-love – I always dreamed of having a daughter, and the Lord has answered my prayer in ways too powerful for words
•My “family” – a wonderful mixed bag of real relatives and adopted ones who sustain me, bless me, and remind me of the importance of community
•My Millie and the ever-enthusiastic Reese Rock

The list would be cluttered with amazing experiences that gently linger like the warm fragrance of my sweetheart’s cologne after he’s hugged me or the scent of rosemary on my hands when I clip sprigs for a recipe. There would be the vibrant hues of the turquoise and teal ocean lapping on the shore of the beach at Petit St Vincent, or the sound snow makes when the skis gently glide on it at the Nordic Center at Breckenridge. The list would certainly contain the kiss of the sun when the boat is anchored in a cove at Lake Travis, the joyous pile of messy dishes stacked every Sunday evening at the end of a great dinner with my adopted family, and the experience of watching a movie under a blanket of stars at night in the backyard, with the fire glowing nearby. Laughter would be on that list. Lots of laughter. Oh, how I love laughter.

There would be words on the list – beautiful words.

“I am smitten with you.”

“You have a healthy baby boy!”

“Ian and Gina Rock.”

“You are a rare bird.”

“Your son did an amazing job preaching last night.”

On the list, too, would be blessings of another kind. Blessings that, to the untrained eye, may look more like tragedy, more like curses. But with the passage of time and, through the tender lens of eternity, I find myself so thankful for each messy, dark, haunting moment.

I might find myself a bit reticent to continue the list – perhaps because I wonder what others might think of me should they stumble upon it. But I’m not one of great consequence beyond that which the Lord allows, so the list could very well end up being a personal “treasure” if He opts not to have anyone find it. And should it be discovered at all, perhaps it would inspire someone to embrace each moment, each experience, as a piece of a Divine gift of redemption, mercy, grace, forgiveness, sanctification, and joy.

The dark blessings, like the bright ones, are expressed in experiences. But unlike the bright ones, these blessings are shrouded in what best can be described as a dreamy haze. The color has been drained, a soundtrack of sorts added – a blend of music and scripture and healing words.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…” (Gen. 50:20)

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:38)

On the list would be sexual abuse at the hands of a relative when I was a young girl and physical abuse at the hands of a spouse when I was a young adult. There would be the hunger for love from an alcoholic father, and the unseemly road of relationships that same hunger led me to as a teenager. There would be the goodness of a mom’s biscuits and gravy, in a desperate attempt for comfort after a most difficult and heart-wrenching choice was made in college. And reaching for that same goodness when a mom’s gentle touch would no longer be felt.

Yes, death would be on the list – the saying “goodbye” to dreams and hopes and family and friends. Unanswered questions would be on the list. Loneliness and struggle and doubt and fear would be there. Mistakes and blunders.

There would be more words on the list – small snippets of conversations, captured like a photograph.

“I’m only staying in this marriage because of you.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“Unfortunately, the baby just couldn’t survive…”

“Sweetie, she’s gone.”

”They want to do a biopsy, but I know the cancer’s back.”

Laughter would once again make its way to list. Laughter and dancing in the midst of the pain. Because again, this list is about blessings. And again, the blessings are seen through the lens of eternity.

I pray to not neglect the blessings – both bright and dark – as they continue to mold and shape this life I’ve been given. I pray to savor the experiences. I pray to always hear the laughter.

“We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

My "50 Before 50" List.

(she squirms a little as she clicks "paste" to place the list in this note).

This year, if all works out, I will have the privilege of turning 50. I'm not sure why, but I've been excited about the number for years now. Perhaps it's because each decade of my life thus far has been better, richer, and more fulfilling than the last. Perhaps it's because, according to fashion and beauty magazines, "50 is the new 30." Or perhaps it's simply because it's an easy number to remember.

I've got about 9 months (give or take a few weeks) of 49 left. So I thought it would be fun, rather than do resolutions and such this year, to craft a list of the 50 things I want to do before I turn 50. This is NOT a bucket list - in fact, penning that gem is on this list. So don't expect to read things like "time-travel" or "climb Mount Everest" here. Rather, this is a compilation of random things that will make me smile, well up with tears, laugh a little, or just simply be struck speechless. There is a bonus list that remains unpublished - just a few things between my Lord and me - but by request, here is my "50 Before 50" list.

(one last squirm)

1.Make a Torta Chelena from scratch.
2.Sing karaoke at a dive bar.
3.Take a road trip with friends. At least three days. I know, three days and we could still be in Texas.
4.Travel at least 500 miles just to have a great dinner.
5.Be published. And not just in a trade publication (I’ve done that before).
6.Travel internationally for ministry.
7.Travel internationally for pleasure.
8.Learn to wakeboard.
9.Complete Rosetta Stone Spanish.
10.Learn sign language.
11.Clean every junk drawer in the house.
12.Get the bike off the garage wall and ride it regularly (mileage goal to be determined). Even think about doing a bike ride for charity.
13.Attend another Becoming an Outdoorswoman weekend.
14.Tandem sky dive (I have a friend who said he would join me on this one).
15.Get my rear in gear and lose that last pesky 10(ish) pounds.
16.Visit 20 small towns in Texas, and actually learn something about each of them. (Participating in a cattle drive on a dude ranch would be a wonderful way to visit one of those towns).
17.Read a minimum of 20 books.
18.Crash a large, prestigious event.
19.Hand-write letters to 25 friends, just to let them know how I feel about them.
20.Learn the basics about football – plays, penalties and such – so I won’t feel like a complete moron when I watch the game.
21.Help start something that’s big enough to garner media attention.
22.Learn to dance with my husband. Yes, I’m cashing in that coupon.
23.Build something with my own hands.
24.Redecorate the master bedroom.
25.See my sister Deb again.
26.Attend the OU/A&M game completely decked out in fan attire. Face makeup and all. (Yes, this will take place a few weeks after my official birthday, but still makes the list).
27.Visit my mother-in-law. By myself.
28.Effectively launch a business. Either mine or someone else’s.
29.Act again. On stage.
30.Read the Bible. (I know – that one’s a little bit cheating).
31.Get accepted into Grad School.
32.Learn to Sabbath.
33.Rediscover the beauty of personal time – a long, soaking bath, a facial, soft music and relaxation.
34.Attend a silent retreat.
35.Get a tattoo.
36.Write my bucket list.
37.Go to a berry farm and pick berries in the sunshine. Then eat them all.
38.Give all the cash in my purse to a homeless person. Maybe twice.
39.Write poetry again, like I used to.
40.Walk in the pouring rain, for fun.
41.Have a picnic. An honest-to-goodness fried chicken picnic, with lawn darts and Frisbee and naps on quilts. With at least 10 friends.
42.Attend at least 5 networking events.
43.Host a radio or television show. Even if it’s only one time.
44.Watch the sunrise with my husband on Lake Travis. That’s right – sunRISE.
45.Go ice fishing.
46.Visit at least two new states (Oregon, the Dakotas, Wyoming, Idaho, the Carolinas, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa, Nebraska, and West Virginia are options – oh yeah, and Alaska and Hawaii)
47.Visit at least one new country (an abundance to choose from).
48.Host an “adopted sons” reunion at CasaRock. We have many.
49.Direct a music video. And a live stage production to go with it.
50.Sail the ocean blue. OK, just go sailing – anywhere.

A New Song.

Psalm 149:1-4 Hallelujah! Sing to GOD a brand-new song,
praise Him in the company of all who love Him.
Let all Israel celebrate their Sovereign Creator,
Zion's children exult in their King.
Let them praise His name in dance;
strike up the band and make great music!
And why? Because GOD delights in His people,
festoons plain folk with salvation garlands!

I’m not a songwriter. And while I love to dance, I don’t necessarily fancy myself a great one. So to think about singing to God a NEW song – a song that has not yet ever been sung – is difficult for me to comprehend.

Music is such a powerful thing in my life. My husband laughs that my brain is a repository for any and every song I’ve ever heard (a road trip with satellite radio brought that fact to light for him). The melodies, the harmonies, the lyrics all blending together, cutting through the silence with mood and emotion and message-

What would a new song sound like, if I penned it? What would others hear if they listened to the song of my life? If it were written right now, reflecting back on 2008, perhaps it would be a symphony in 5 movements. The theme would be time.

There would be strings, hauntingly beautiful, with words of heartache and tenderness. My journeys to Guatemala and Honduras, my travels to the US/Mexico border. My visits to Beaumont, Midland, and Lubbock. Precious moments spent with beautiful children abandoned, rejected, cast aside.

There would the precious sounds of flute and harp and piano. Juxtaposed against the strings, even more beautiful and delicate, the movement would celebrate unity and love and life and tenderness. My husband. My children. My gifts.

There would be an overture of woodwinds – oboe and sax, filled with struggle and angst against a backdrop of drums. My endless hours on the road, trying so hard to remain faithful to the cause despite the whispers and attacks. The music would be enough – no words. And the movement would end abruptly, with one lingering note played from the oboe as the journey ends.

An interlude of flute and strings would then join the oboe. Hope and love remain.

There would be guitar – simple, rich acoustic guitar – filling the room with tender melodies and lyrics of refreshing and healing. The time spent with family and friends in gentle conversation, in worship, in laughter, in writings. The movement would resonate with names of the guardians of my heart.

And the final movement would be voices – children’s voices singing “Holy holy holy.” Voices singing “Great is Thy faithfulness.” Voices singing “I am Thine.” Voices singing to the power and the presence of a truly ALL Mighty, ALL Powerful God. A God Who delights in me and adorns me with His salvation. He indeed is worth celebrating. He indeed deserves a new song.

Words of wisdom from a man in a sweater.

I have no real profound thoughts today, as I sit in my office in sweats and baseball cap and wonder what road I may ultimately end up walking professionally. I'm still in this amazingly, frighteningly, wonderfully, awkward time of transition - and I have experienced a gamut of emotions along the journey thus far. There's that uplifting rush that comes from imagining a world of possibilities. And there's the dread that comes from imagining hopes dashed. And in the middle, there's this amazing thing called everyday life. There's marriage, and family, and friendships, and prayer. There's laughter and music and reading and cooking. There's freelance jobs and the joy of writing and the launch of a company and the "oh, can I really do this?" followed by the "take a risk." And there is Mr Rogers.

Yes, there's Fred Rogers. You know the man. "Mr Roger's Neighborhood," with Trolley and Ex the Owl, Henrietta Pussycat and Speedy Delivery. Long after I was too old to watch the show, I still tuned in. Because, in our crazy world, he was a voice of kindness. Both on and off the screen, he was a minister. And this morning, his wisdom is just what the doctor ordered. Don’t worry – it’s not what you think. Hope the musings of Mr. Rogers inspire you today too.

"If we're really honest with ourselves, there are probably times when we think, 'What possible use can I be in this world? What need is there for somebody like me to fill?' That's one of the deeper mysteries. Then God's grace comes to us in the form of another person who tells us we have been of help, and what a blessing that is."

"There's a part of all of us that longs to know that even what's weakest about us is still redeemable and can ultimately count for something good."

"One of my seminary professors, Dr Orr, often talked with great poignancy about Henry, a student who had come to the seminary with a degree in classic literature and a fine working knowledge of Greek and Latin as well as several modern languages. He remembered this young man as being brilliant and yet always receiving with such grace the offers of others. 'He never put on airs,' Dr. Orr said. 'You always felt he really respected everybody else.' It seems that this young man wa a perfectionist. For him every word had to be just so. It was excruciating for him to give a sermon unless he felt it was letter-perfect; consequently, it took him two months to write one sermon. Even though he tried hard, it became clear to him that he was not going to be suited for the parish ministry. Eventually, he dropped out of seminary and took a job at a local department store. Dr. Orr didn't hear from him for a long time, so one day, he stopped in the store to see how Henry was faring. It happened to be Henry's day off, but his coworkers talked with Dr. Orr about him. The more they talked, the more Dr. Orr realized that the people at the store knew nothing about this fellow employee's extensive education. What they did know was what had happened in their department after his arrival. 'The department was filled with all kinds of jealousy and pettiness. It was a miserable place to work before Henry came,' a person told Dr. Orr. 'But after he had been here awhile, somehow all of that miserable stuff seemed to disappear. We all got working together, and well, it's different with him here. He's like a minister in more ways than anyone knows. You say you know Henry? Well, you are blessed, too, then.' Dr. Orr finally contacted Henry, and the two of them read Greek literature together for ten years before Henry died. When Dr. Orr talked about him, he would invariably say, 'To think there were people at the seminary - and elsewhere - who called it a waste for Henry to have done what he did, working at that department store.' Then Dr. Orr would add, 'Henry probably had one of the greatest ministries I know. I feel privileged to have been his friend.'"

“’The outside is never as much as the inside…’ As you may know by now, that’s one of the major themes of our work: The invisible essential. Oh, the outsides of life are important, but the insides are what enhance so much of the rest.

“I am glad that I’ve been able to do what I’ve done and not been sidetracked along the way. A teacher of mine calls it guided drift. Isn’t that wonderful? You’re drifting, and yet you’ve got a rudder.”

“I saw a friend who’s a freelance writer and asked him what he was working on. ‘Nothing right now,’ he answered. ‘You know how it is for freelancers. But at times like this I tell myself I’m “between opportunities.” That way I don’t have to feel I’m nowhere.’ There’s often a tendency for us to hurry through transitions. We may feel that these transitions are ‘nowhere at all’ compared to what’s gone on before or what we anticipate is next to come. But you are somewhere…you’re ‘between.’”

“A friend of mine was in a taxi in Washington, D.C., going slowly past the National Archives, when he noticed the words on the cornerstone of the building: ‘The past is prologue.’ He read them out loud to the taxi driver and said, ‘What do you think that means, “the past is prologue”?’ The taxi driver said, ‘I think it means, Man, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!’”

Thanks Mr. Rogers.