Type A and Plan B.

"We're called to be faithful to God even when it seems He hasn't been faithful to us. We're called to love Him even when we feel abandoned. We're called to look for Him even in the midst of the darkness. We're called to worship Him even through our tears."

Pete Wilson is the pastor of Crosspoint Church in Nashville, Tennessee. His blog, withoutwax.tv, is a place I visit frequently to be inspired and challenged. And it's where I learned about his first book, Plan B. I was honored to receive an advance reader's copy.

So, my original plan was to finish reading Plan B several weeks ago. I even blocked time on my calendar - “read Plan B, “ponder Plan B,” “review Plan B.” But it seems this Type A has had to move to her own Plan B, because I haven’t finished it yet.

Now, please don’t get the wrong idea - it’s not that I don’t want to read the book (trust me, I’ve got a stack of books that have been started but not finished because they simply haven’t captivated me). Rather, it’s because I keep reading - and re-reading - chapter after chapter, finding myself and those I love in the stories, discovering new soundbites, and falling even more in love with the beauty of an imperfect life made perfect by a God who causes all things to work together for His good and His glory. Pete is unafraid to talk about a life that is messy, that doesn’t have all the answers - and about a God who is sovereign in the midst of the mess.

"In this life, many of your questions will simply not have answers. But through it all, God Himself will never change. That is why our faith must rest on His identity and not necessarily His activity."

Plan B reflects on the beauty of disappointment, suffering, surrender and community. It is practical and weighty without being heavy-handed. It will be a book recommended to many, including you. And it will be a book I read - and re-read- over and over again.

A few words about Easter.

Dining with friends.

Washing dirty feet.

Commanding love.

Praying in a garden.

Others sleeping.

Friend betraying.

Arresting, trying, convicting.

No sinning.

Beating.

Whipping.

Ripping.

Carrying death’s weapon.

Driving the nails.

Spear stabbing.

Breathing last.

Speaking the words, “It is finished.”

Tasting death.

Darkness falling.

Earth quaking.

Rain falling.

Dead rising.

Veill ripping from Heaven to Earth.

Carrying to a tomb.

Rolling a stone.

Whispering “goodbye.”

Witnessing the miracle.

Singing of Easter.

Shining Son.

Living Jesus.

Redeeming God.

30 pieces.

They've been with Him through thick and thin, have travelled with Him for years. They've seen miracle after miracle, have witnessed His awesome transfiguration, have seen Him calm seas and feed thousands and speak to God. They've given everything up for Him - jobs, families, inheritances, pedigrees, position. And they know scripture - and are witnessing first-hand the fulfillment of prophecy after prophecy.

And yet, when He says one of them will betray Him, they ALL ask "Could it be me?"

I follow Jesus, share Jesus, have defended Him, have witnessed miracles - I am amazed, I am humbled, I am honored. Christ is life in my veins. Yet, I know I'm perfectly capable of denying Him. I've proven my ability to ignore Him, to allow my passion to ebb and flow. I've shredded my faith, and have diluted His power in my life. I've worked diligently to create a non-offensive Gospel. And I've thought about walking away.

Thirty pieces of silver. Enough to buy a nice home with a barn and some livestock on a good piece of land. Enough to make this life pretty comfortable - no more traveling, no more wondering where the next meal might come from, no more wild stormy nights sleeping on boats, pushing through crowds, dealing with the harsh remarks of people in authority. Enough to settle down, maybe get married, have kids. For Judas, that was enough.

What would my 30 pieces of silver be? What would yours be?